Aleena has been wrestling this week about when to come home from her mission, she was given the choice, to return when she would have before the injury, or to extend to a full 18 months (or somewhere in between) This was a super difficult decision for her because between working to earn money for her mission and the timing of her call, she is soon to be turning 21 and has yet to go to college. Until this week she did not know the answer.
My Most Darling Family and Friends....
Right away I wanted to shout out...Happy Birthday for sure to my sweet nana!!! What a woman. Turning 29 again right?? And happy birthday also to Colton (and Brittney too ha-ha). Thanks for giving me something else to celebrate!!
This is my scripture of the week:
3 Nephi 18: 24 Therefore, hold up your light that it may shine unto the world. Behold I am the light which ye shall hold up—that which ye have seen me do. Behold ye see that I have prayed unto the Father, and ye all have witnessed."
I love this scripture because it says hold up your light! and then it tells us how. When I first read it an image of me dressed as the statue of liberty was the thing that came to mind ha-ha but as I pondered on its and prayed to know I could hold up my light it became clear to me that my light was my example and that it shines brightest when my example, my life, reflects the life of my savior. In church videos and photos we see that the Lord Jesus Christ glistens. He beams! I know I don’t understand fully what its like to beam like him, but I imagine its at least a little like the happiness that I carried in my heart this week. It’s that smile that you can’t keep off your face no matter how hard you try, that skip in your step and then happy glow you just feel! This week I had lots of experiences that strengthened my testimony and have helped me be the person I want to be. Every day the lord gives us the opportunity to start the day shining! This week we spent a day in the office getting my huellas (fingerprints) taken again so I can get my Costa Rican residency. (They canceled my other one, hmmm; someone thought I wouldn’t make it back... ha-ha surprise!). I sat waiting in a chair for like 6 hours. I remember the first time I was bored and shy and it was basically a waste of a day, THIS time I took the opportunity to talk to each of my neighbors and even the finger printer guy about the message of the restored gospel. That day yo brille! (I shined:))
We also had divisiones this week with the Hermana especialistas. I sort of got my head chopped (figuratively, bit literally!) and experienced the marvelous truth of repentance. Even missionaries sometimes need to repent ya know.. I learned the importance of being una misionera testificante y desafinate. That means a missionary who testifies and invites people to be baptized. Sometimes I’m a little shy to invite people to make this sacred covenant with the Lord. I feel awkward and not sure what to say. Were supposed to invite them in the first appointment and so sometimes that makes me a little uncomfortable because in my head I say, "I don’t even know these people!!! They’re going to think I’m psycho. They wont accept etc. etc.": but I was taught that this isnt my work. It’s not my mission. If I don’t invite them to be baptized who will?? The Lord knows exactly what he’s doing. He knows what he wants done, as well as when and how he wants them done. Having the opportunity to repent helped me to shine a little brighter.
What does light do for us? Light helps us to see clearly physically as well as spiritually see the will of God for our lives. Having a week so full of light you’d think that everything in my life was clear as crystal right? Well, almost. Ever since I came home 2 questions have nagged and nagged me relentlessly. Will you go back? And for how long?? The first was obvious; the second hung in the dark, scaring me even. Well I’m here to testify that the Lord does not work in the Dark. Through lots of prayer and fasting I’ve been able to bring light to even the darkest, scariest parts of my own mind. This week we had a special women’s conference for Central America with Hermana Nelson as the keynote speaker. It was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. Before the conference my companion and I started a fast for our investigators and for ourselves... my question "Lord help me to know when you want me to go home". During her talk sister nelson had us all stand and repeat my favorite part of one of the most powerful conference talks of my life. Maybe you’ll remember Jeffrey R Holland’s talk from October 2012. This is what we repeated....
Peter, why are you here? Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn’t it obvious then and isn’t it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do. Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world. So, Peter, for the second and presumably the last time, I am asking you to leave all this and to go teach and testify, labor and serve loyally
until the day in which they will do to you exactly what they did to me.”
But this is the conversation I had with the Lord... "Aleena, my daughter, why are we here again? Having these same conversations. Wasn’t it obvious then and isn’t it obvious now that if I want you at home that I can get you home? What I need Aleena are missionaries. Disciples. And I need you until March. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone who loves me truly truly loves me. And loves what her Father in Heaven has commissioned her to do. Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task of 12 months. It is not hapless it is not hopeless. It is the work of Almighty God and it is to change the WORLD. So Aleena, for the 20th and presumably the last time, I am asking you to go teach and testify and labor and serve loyally until the day that I take you home again."
This week Jesus Christ talked to me. As I stood there having a conversation with him in my mind tears fell, but in my heart I felt peace. I know that the Lord hears our prayers. I know that I matter to him. I know that my decisions, if in line with his will, can help many people. So, I’ve decided to stay:) the Lord wants me to shine a little Longer as Hermana Kugath.
I love you all. You’re in my heart and prayers for always,
All my love,
Hermana Kugath
(If you are wondering here: March 29th is the transfer date for 18 months- I worked it out ha ha -Serena)
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